Well into the Tory conference, and I am positively glowing with the prospect of them looking after me. Theresa promised. I am her target audience. The totally strapped middle.
And so far …..
With the overarching bullshit regarding Brexit, and how the wide world is champing at the bit to deal with us rather than the whole of the EU, I remain confident that I am still in their radar. After all, she promised.
Grammar schools. Well my son is done with that, so its everyone else’s children who can fall through the net of selection. Or do they intend to equip each child with a ladder? Or maybe the intention is to prove that social mobility goes both ways.
After all, if you want industry to grow, you need an endless supply of the depressed and downtrodden to re-establish those Victorian boom times. And if the odd oik squeezes through and gets better educated, they will hopefully be dutifully grateful and vote Tory.
Brexit will bring freedom from regulation. Companies can be more flexible in their employment processes. Wages can stay low. So that will stop pulling in the migrant workers to do the jobs that we don’t want to do because the wages are too low. No, hang on, that can’t be right, because she promised.
Our military will be protected from malicious prosecution. Now this gets interesting. Military action is fraught, frightening, confusing, and not amenable to calm appraisal of actions. But there is still an expectation of human rights. And of course this will no doubt work both ways, so the military organisations will also be freed from prosecution by their members.
Apparently we need more doctors, all of a sudden. Who knew? Maybe stop driving current doctors abroad to find a reasonable work / life balance. Maybe stop turning dedicated people into activists because they feel the NHS is threatened. I am starting to feel worried about these promises.
And now, those financially sensible targets, getting the country into the black, have gone out of the window. So, no more austerity? Well, not quite. That will continue, the end date has just become a little vaguer. After all, if you keep setting targets, and keep missing them, then you start to look a little incompetent. Much more of that and you could join Labour.
And, another new idea. Spending on large infrastructure projects to get the country’s industries moving forward. If only the Labour Party hadn’t copied you by saying a week ago, it would really sound original. And somehow this will increase borrowing, but not debt. Because they promised.
So, if I understand correctly, we are no longer being screwed by a Tory Party led by an out of touch élite, but being buoyed up and coddled by a caring, sharing, Grammar School educated – so that proves it! – worker lovers.
Comforting, isn’t it? No worries now. After all she promised.
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