Long assumed to be a creature of legend and myth, it can now be revealed that a unicorn has been sighted in the south-west of England.
Naturally, to ensure its safety, the exact location is being kept a closely guarded secret. However, some details have emerged which will excite and intrigue in equal measure.
Although only one, very obviously male, unicorn has been seen, there was clear evidence of others, including what would seem to be indications of younger specimens.
In other news, the main broadcasting channels have revealed a secret deal to stop any further production of reality entertainment competition shows such as X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent and The Voice.
The negotiations have been on-going for at least 3 years, and the basis for the decision is that, without this format as a platform, Simon Cowell will no longer be seen in public.
Spokesmen for the BBC and ITV have made clear that, although they accept this will shatter the dreams of many who have only had one goal in life – to appear in tortuous singing competitions in public – the removal of Simon Cowell from our TV screens is a positive outcome.
Internationally, the world will breathe a little easier with the announcement on Instagram that Donald Trump has realised his significant shortcomings, and will stand down as President at the end of March, 2017.
He has also accepted that, as the winner of the popular vote, Hillary Clinton should assume the presidency, and hopes that the month and a half period will allow her time to assemble her support team.
As a follow-on from this, Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Nigel Farage have all apologised for their blatant dishonesty during the Brexit campaign, and urge all those Leave voters to accept that they were misled.
You know, this post-Truth alternative facts thing is good fun. Even if it doesn’t earn me anything per click.
And now, back to reality. Oh Sheeite!
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