Now firstly let me make it very clear, I love dogs. All shapes, all sizes. They are fundamentally a good, positive, adorable and life enhancing presence.
So it seems a shame in a way that it has, in its black variety, been adopted as a symbol for something significantly less positive. But apparently it comes from ancient folklore of nocturnal negativity.
And, to be fair, when it comes, at least with me, it isn’t a dog howling – I leave that to the noisy little buggers next door – but as shouting. Not singular, and not coherent, but seemingly endless crowds of unintelligible shouting.
And not all the time, either. Depending on the social situation, depending on the time of day, or night, the shouting can fade to almost nothing. And sometimes, when the present creates those moments of joy, happiness, or just simple contentment, I could almost believe they have gone.
But at 3.37 a.m., that bloody time again, they are there with a vengeance. And they brook no nonsense. The concept of ‘ignore them and they will go away’ is drowned out by their insistence.
It fills the head, pushes at the edges of the actual, and there is no choice but to try and hear at least one coherent word. One clue to sort the silent noise into some sort of sense.
And so I distract myself. And I think of many things: memories, plans, fantasies. Anything to move the mind away from what makes no sense towards some sort of rationality.
Which means I have, over the years, rehashed endless scenarios of things said and done that could, or should, have been said or done differently. And even those that seemed right, with endless shuffling can appear less positive. Acquire question marks where none existed.
And the night moves towards day, and light dawns. And the residual tiredness never quite goes away.
The day, routine, work – yes, even work – adds a distance to the noise, but I know it is always there. It sits permanently as an unanswerable criticism of ….. something.
Thankfully, I am blessed with people – very close, caring, people – who make the soundless bellowing tolerable. Who give life a positive spin, which repels the endless questioning.
And for them I will always be grateful.
They help me stay ahead of the crowds.
They are there, in my heart and head, every time the black dog howls.
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