Well, That Told Me!

I am typing this in some pain, having recently had my wrists soundly slapped by two people very close to me, emotionally and / or geographically.

And it seems that I deserved it.

Apart from having extended rants at the dicks, twats and penis-wagglers that are in power at present, I have used this forum to dump various loads of emotional scum from time to time, as a sort of mind-clearing.

And to a significant extent, on the basis of ‘better out than in’, it has helped to clear the darker recesses, and maintain an equilibrium of sorts.

But I must admit that, of late, the balance between light and dark has been flickering a little more than usual, and that has led to me not only dumping on here, but also behaving in a way that felt out of kilter with my usual public persona.

And that led to my bollockings.

First, I apologised for my behaviour, only to be told in no uncertain terms that I was misreading, not only how I perceived myself, but also how it was received. To be fair, the bollocking came in the form of a rib-cracking hug – by god she is strong – followed by an earful.

Second, I was taken to task by the one person I should be counselling, if family structures and age are to be accepted as standard guides for support behaviour.

And so, I have to accept that, at least in this regard, I am a Dick. Or, at the very least, behaving like one.

It is hard to break the habit of not telling those close that all is not well. After all, why burden them when they have their own stuff to deal with.

But, as has been explained clearly, and eloquently, that is what they do, because that is who we are to each other. And if they can, then so can I.

So, it is time to turn over that leaf. I know I have these two, and others besides, who see me for the best that I am rather than the ‘through the looking-glass’ distortion that is in my head.

And it is also time to say thank you, and be grateful, and glad, and comforted, and uplifted. Because they are there for me as I am for them.

And that is enough to make life better. And it does. Honest.

Please don’t slap my wrists any more!!